Written by Joy Michelle Austin
When I turned thirty, I thought I would be “30, flirty, and thriving.” Instead, I found myself in a medical desert that would stretch across nearly a decade. Disability changed my days, my plans, and the way I saw my life. I kept wondering: How could I be in my thirties, living back at home, single, childless, and unable even to hold a dinner fork?
Most days, darkness felt louder than faith. I prayed, questioned, grieved, yelled, and struggled just to make it through one minute at a time. I did not always feel strong. I certainly did not always have the right words. But even when I could not see the road ahead, God was there.
Just before turning forty, I could miraculously use my hands again without pain or assistance and discovered I still had dreams! While I had been struggling to see past the darkness, God had been faithfully planting seeds and watering my soul.
That was when I began brainstorming and writing my debut novel, Half Agony, Half Hope.
The work of fiction started out of my love for Jane Austen’s Persuasion. At first, it was meant to be a fun modern adaptation. But it became something I did not see coming: a story only loosely inspired by Jane Austen, shaped instead by my own struggles, and a testimony of light in the darkness.
I have never been kidnapped or abused in the way Rick is, but I know what it feels like to believe God had locked up my life and thrown away the key. In time, I have been reminded that even when life feels shut away and forgotten, God is still there. He is still working. He is still able to bring hope.
I think I put it best in my debut novel’s titular poem: “For in the dark, He held my hand, In the light, He helps me stand. Half agony, half hope, I’ve learned, Through Him, my strength and faith returned.”
My testimony is not that everything became easy or that I received every answer I wanted by trusting in Jesus. It is that God met me in the darkness and never gave up on me. He asks me not to give up on Him, either. I can often type for hours before the pain becomes excruciating. I can stand on my own two feet without my cane. But that does not mean God has removed all my struggles. He has, however, shown me ways to overcome and community to lift me up.
Now, I hold tightly to my family, friends, and community—including the gorgeous Cheryl, whom God connected me with when I was looking for rideshare pals. In His perfect plan, He brought her into my life as a reminder that He truly works all things for His glory.
Learn more about The Half Agony, Half Hope series at joymichelleaustin.com
